To Have Loved & Lost


When two people’s lives are spiraling out of control, can coming together pull both of them back up?

Alexis Woods knows who she is — or at least, she thought she did. She’s number 17, point guard, MVP, all-star, co-captain of the Lady Raiders NCAA Division I women’s basketball team. But there’s a darkness growing inside of her, a darkness that started the night her beloved died in her arms, and if she doesn’t turn things around soon, the darkness just might swallow her whole.

Graham Griffin knows a thing or two about darkness. That’s been her zip code ever since the car accident that took her boyfriend’s life — the car accident she caused. When she meets Alex, she sees a reflection of her own sorrow. And she can’t help but want to fix it.

About This Book

If this book were a movie, it would be rated “R” for explicit sexual content, mature topics, and strong language. If that’s not your cup of tea, you shouldn’t buy this book.

This is also a lesbian romance. If that’s not your cup of tea, you shouldn’t buy this book.

But if you’re in the mood for a lesbian love story, one that’s got some dark, gritty moments but ends happily ever after by the final scene, you’ll enjoy this.

Get the book from Amazon



From Chapter 10

Graham feels spent afterward, like she’s finished a five-mile run or back-to-back sessions of hot yoga instead of an hour-long group therapy meeting.  Mary says something banal and encouraging as she signs Graham’s paperwork; Graham doesn’t reply, just nods when she gets her paperwork back and escapes the basement into the chilly late afternoon.

The sun never came out today; it stormed last night and it’s starting to drizzle again as Graham leaves the church.  Something in the way the air smells tells Graham that the rain might turn into sleet — snow would probably be too much to hope for — before the day is out.

She glances around the empty parking lot from underneath the overhang above the church steps, hoping Rosita will be on time for once so she doesn’t have to wait around in this nasty weather.

There’s no Rosita.  There’s just Alex, leaning against the brick wall on the handicap ramp in the same spot Graham found her last week, gazing out at nothing in particular.  One arm is crossed against her stomach, the other dangles loose, a coffee cup hanging from her hand.

Graham feels irritated again just looking at the Norse warrior-goddess, even though she can’t exactly put her finger on why.  Maybe it’s because her attempt to get under Alex’s skin in group today so totally backfired.  Maybe it’s something else that’s irritating her, like the fact that Alex hasn’t acknowledged the fact that they ran into each other at Grounders on Wednesday.

The free-floating irritation makes Graham’s mind as cloudy as the early March sky.

Sometimes Graham’s life turns out a lot like her paintings — an abstract mess of colors and lines that all seem nonsensical until something finally clicks and everything starts to come together.  Whatever this stuff between her and Alex is, it hasn’t snapped into focus, not yet.

Which probably explains why she can’t stop herself from talking to her.

“Hey,” Graham says to the warrior-goddess, leaning out from underneath the overhang far enough to get her attention.  “You’re getting wet.”

Alex glances over, gives Graham an up-and-down look.  “It’s only drizzling.”

“Drizzling still gets you wet,” Graham retorts without leaving the protection of the overhang.  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you you’ll catch your death standing in the cold rain with your head uncovered like that?”

There’s a brief flash of something — anger? — that passes through the girl’s green eyes, but it’s gone so fast that Graham wonders if she just imagined it.

Instead of answering Graham’s question, Alex asks one of her own.  “Your roommate isn’t here yet?”

Graham shakes her head.  “Late.  As usual.”

“How long is it going to take her?”

“Who knows.  Depends on where she is, what she’s doing.  If she’s in the engineering lab and gets involved in a project, she could forget all about me for an hour or two.  It’s happened before.”

Alex nods like she’s made a decision and pushes off the wall, waves Graham over.  “Text her.  Tell her I gave you a ride home.”

For a moment, Graham doesn’t move, a little taken aback by the two commands she’s just been given that are actually a generous offer of a ride.

When it sinks in, she gives Alex a crooked smile and asks, “Did you just offer to drive me home?”

Alex doesn’t turn around, only nods and keeps walking towards her truck.

Graham quickly texts Rosita and jogs into the misty rain to catch up with Alex.